Not the human neighbors. The animal neighbors. A fox lives in a culvert near the driveway. Andrew has named it “Paul.” Paul is a jerk. Paul steals his left shoes. Left shoes only. Why left? Why shoes? Andrew has to wear mismatched sneakers to the grocery store now.
Andrew 'appalled' that remote new Sandringham home 'only' has 5
There are also chickens. He didn’t buy chickens. They just showed up. They moved in. He now has to feed them because “I’m not a monster.” They follow him. He calls them “the feathered jury.”
And the silence? It’s broken only by the hum of the refrigerator. And the occasional judgmental hoot of an owl. He’s living in a Wes Anderson movie he never auditioned for.
The Silver Lining (Sort Of)
Look, Andrew probably won’t sell the farmhouse. He’s stuck. But he’s learning a very niche skill: how to be alone in a lot of square footage. He started a podcast about it. It’s called “Empty Echoes.” One listener is Paul the fox.
He also discovered that the big pantry is great for storing cereal collections. He now has 27 boxes of cereal. It’s his only joy. He stares at them while drinking his Fiji water.
So, is Andrew appalled? Yes. But he’s also a little charmed. He’s become a local legend. The guy who bought a farm and got farmed by life.
Next time you buy something big, think of Andrew. And his five empty bedrooms. And Paul. And the one sock. Sometimes, small is the new big. And appalled is just a funny way of saying “I’m growing.”
