Look up the schedule. I’ll wait. Ah, you found it? Great. Now you know the truth. If they’re playing, grab a jersey, a foam finger, and a deep dish pizza (or a sourdough bread bowl—you’re in San Francisco, after all).
If they’re not playing, don’t despair. Instead, watch a highlight reel of Jimmy Garoppolo’s hair defying gravity. Or Google “49ers interception dance fails.” You’ll thank me later.
Remember: the 49ers don’t just play a game. They host a party. A chaotic, gold-painted, dog-in-a-helmet party. And you’re invited. Every time.
Now go check your phone. Are they playing today? The answer changes everything. Or nothing. Either way, you’re now an expert.
