On a scale of “a single celery stick” to “a deep-fried pizza roll,” candy corn lands somewhere around “a mediocre Tuesday.” It’s not a health crisis, but it’s not a health hero, either.
It’s the sugary equivalent of a participation trophy. You didn’t win the candy game, but you got something, and that something is a lesson in regret and moderation.
So, next time you see a bowl of candy corn, go ahead and grab a few. Smile at the weirdness. Eat them slowly. And then brush your teeth like your dentist is standing behind you with a headlamp.
Because life is short, but cavities are long—and candy corn is proof that sometimes, the worst things in life are also the most amusing.
